Freakin' Sleepless in the City

Oh pfft... I'm in my sleepless mode again...

Time flies... regardless whether you're having fun or not. It's been a couple of days since my last posting and I have to say that I haven't had a humanely decent sleep for the longest time. Funny I should feel this way, like I'm not used to not getting enough sleep... I've been an insomniac since I was ten! (I think that's why I didn't grow that much..haha! [if only I knew about that cherifer thingy..haha!])

It's a little easier now...In some ways I've come to terms with it. As I said, it was inevitable. There's no use crying over something that's no longer there, of someone who's never coming back. Acceptance is the only thing to do. That and moving on. It was fated to be that way... it's useless to argue with God about something that He has already decided on. And who am I to argue when I do not own my life?

We don't have a whole conversation about it...just snippets of "I'm sad", and so on... the only times I do talk is when someone asks--and I give a straightforward explanation, the way the doctor explains to his patient his condition; very medical, very generic. Sometimes I forget he/she is gone; I'd be lying on my tummy and suddenly jerk right up thinking I'd squished him/her. Or I'd refuse to drink soda because it was bad for the baby. Then I'd remember and start spacing out, but only for a moment. Still, I'd space out.

My only comfort are the two men in my life... We're all stuck like glue-- we eat, play, sleep (just them, I just lie down and watch tv) and breathe together, 24/7, day in, day out. At night I watch them sleep--they're so alike down to their muted snores. It's good that they're there to keep whatever sanity I may have left, or I would've gone berserk and chewed on the keypad of this freakin' notebook.