Today wasn't a good day. Well, there was a little part of it which was good (HJR
), but the rest of the day was crap.
Should I tell you why?
Maybe another time.. my head's throbbing like crazy. I don't even know why I'm blogging. Hmm...Just letting it breathe, just letting my rage steam out, I guess. It's so messed up right now, you know?
Maybe that's what happens when you're thirty.
Reality hits you hard in the face.
Yesterday wasn't a good day.
It turned out well at first. I received a package from a dear friend who's in Japan. It turned out to be goodies for my birthday--a delayed birthday-slash-thanks-for-being-a-friend pressie. While I'm not actually a fan of birthdays anymore (I stopped celebrating when I turned 22), I welcomed the package with open arms..I just thought of it as sort of a "reward" for being a good friend. Nyork.
It's a good feeling when the good things you do are returned to you. No, scratch that..It's a great feeling when the good things you do are returned to you. I super miss that girl, and I'm pretty sure she is missed by everyone else--the Wolves, the friends she's made in DC and CEU and everywhere else...I'm telling you, she's the original Miss Congeniality. I don't know what to give her, she's in a place where everything is already there (and more). But more importantly, I don't know how I'm going to give whatever it is I intend to give her when I've lost her address. *blushes*
Anyway...As the day wore on, I found something that I never imagined in my whole life I would see. I had to catch my breath, I literally felt knocked out of air... My hands were shaking the whole time, and I had to keep my composure to keep myself from losing my mind. I looked at myself in the mirror, but the reflection was too blurry to see. I had lost belief in something I hold so dear to me.
It's funny how one minute you feel so high up there, you feel so good about yourself and you think to yourself it's going to be a fine day and then feel so deflated and defeated the next. It sucks how we all have to ride this rollercoaster of emotions of highs and lows...there's just no permanence to it! Damn it!
For now I am at a loss... for words, and feelings. But my mind is racing...I'm thinking...I'm scheming...I'm thinking.
