My cousin had recently put on her Facebook status that she's so LOL'ng over Chuck Norris jokes. I've received those in my inbox a couple of years back, but I feel like having a good laugh, so I Google'd a few down. It's a lot like Eraptions, but only it's Chuck Norris.Ü
# Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
# The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
# There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
# Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
# The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
# Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
# Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
# Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
# Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
# Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
# Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
# Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
# If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
# Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
# The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
# Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
# CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
# Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
# There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
# Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
# What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
# Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
# Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
# Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
# Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
# Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
# If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
# Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
# Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
# Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
# Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
# Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
# Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
# Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
# Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
# Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
# Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
# In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
# Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
# Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
# Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
# The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
# In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
# According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
# Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
# When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
# There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
# Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
# Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
# Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
CHUCK!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Sad, Shocking Friday.
I remember it was hot that day. It was a bit breezy, but it felt humid, so it didn't help alleviate the weather conditions at all. After Friday prayer at home and a quick lunch, I decided to clean the oven toaster because the pit was a bit grimy from the burnt cheese that oozed from pizzas and whatever else we put in it to reheat food. I was listening to one of the more popular FM radio stations while scrubbing the grills and the pit of the toaster with an aluminum foil (it works, take it from an unofficially diagnosed OCD me! ), when the DJ announced that Master Rapper Francis Magalona had passed on, as it was announced by Vic Sotto on their noontime show Eat Bulaga. Daaaang. I was so struck with the announcement that I stopped cleaning and sat down. I had just read some of his entries a week ago from his Multiply site and then this comes out. I left the kitchen and turned the TV on to check out EB, and sure enough, while they were continuing on with their segments, the hosts' eyes looked red from crying and weren't as lively as they usually were.
Francis Magalona succumbed to Cancer at the age of 44. He had AML (Acute Myelogenous Leukemia with Mixed Lineage) or MLL. Francis died due to multiple organ failure “secondary to severe sepsis and secondary to pneumonia. He is survived by his wife, Pia Maria Arroyo-Magalona and eight children, including celebrity Maxene Magalona.
I felt so saddened by the demise because I am a fan. I listen to hip-hop. My musical preferences in this genre lean more on the foreign artists because of HD's influence, but when it comes to the local scene, I am partial to FM because his songs makes sense, relaying positivity with lyrics so beautifully written speaking of pride for one's lineage; pride for oneself; for being Filipino; for being one.
The past weekend was filled with updates about his wake, tributes to his name and achievements, and revelations of who he was as a father, a husband, a friend, a colleague to other musicians and an artist. It made me even more sad to know all these things; I know he would have been able to do so much more had he not had to battle the Big C. His songs have bridged generations of listeners and fans, and I am just a speck in the sea of admirers who grieve for his loss.
One Love
Rest In Peace, FrancisM.
**Image courtesy of Miguel Gallardo. Thank you!
Friday, February 20, 2009
What's Your Album Cover?
I got this from my gradeschool classmate Deiia via Facebook’s Notes. It was a pretty fun activity, although I must say, my results came out a bit freaky. Try your hand at it, and let me know how yours came out. :D
--------------------------
My Album Cover.
--------------------------
To Do This
1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit "random"
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Go to flickr and click on "explore the last seven days"
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.
5 - Post it to FB with this text in the "caption" and TAG the friends you want to join in.
My Result:Band Name: Manadon
Album Title: A Means To Conceal Oneself
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Everybody Has To Cross The River
I was 'stumbling upon' sites using Stumble Upon (duh) when I came across this quiz. I don't know how true it is that this IQ test is really given to job applicants in Japan prior to getting accepted at work, because even the one who posted the game isn't so sure about it either. *smirks*
Anyhoo... the game gave me a friggin' headache the first five minutes, but figured it out after five more. *yay* The game's pretty cute with its animated characters and antics, but it still doesn't excuse the headache it gave me when I made a few attempts. I'm sharing this game with you and see how YOU'd fare at it. *heehee*
Now, since I answered it correctly, does it mean I can go work in Japan? Weee!☺
http://www.robmathiowetz.com/
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Why Women Cry
Got this from my e-mail, I thought I'd share. :)
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:
"When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue with out complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Randomness. Q&A1 2009
Do you like your life?
Do you trust people easily?
Would you ever get a tattoo?
Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?
Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
Is there a person who knows every thing or almost every thing about you?
Do you plan on moving out within the next year or two?
Who is number two on your friends list?
When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
What were you doing at midnight last night ?
Has anyone ever told you they love you?
Do you miss the way things used to be?
Last person who called you?
Would you ever live with anyone on your top friends?
How many pills do you take a day?
Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Favorite place to be?
Have you ever intentionally made someone jealous?
Do you like someone?
Last person to message you?
Last person you held hands with? When?
What was your first thought this morning?
Have you ever broken a window on purpose?
In one word, how do you feel right now?
What do you want for your next birthday?
Where did you get the shirt you' re wearing?
Tallest person you know?
♣ The Korean guy who stalked me on my first year in college. He was about 6'2"- 6'3". Good friends know who that guy is.
Plans for tonight?
Where is your cellphone?
Whose voice do you currently hear?
Would you ever trade your wardrobe with someone?
You have a Million dollars, what do you do with it?
♣ Save. Invest. Splurge!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
And America Makes History
January 21, 2009 marked a first for the United States of America as President Barack Hussein Obama took oath of office as the 44th President of the United States. It was estimated that more than a million spectators witnessed the swearing-in of President Obama held at the West Front of Washington State Capitol, and millions more via television across the globe.
I stayed up late (as usual) and waited up for the inauguration ceremonies. I watched in anticipation as other leaders filtered out of the building onto the sea of faces watching and waiting just like me. Then came out VP Joe Biden (who I think looks like a pleasant fellow) and then finally, Mr. President himself. I had goosebumps and ears in my eyes when they were sworn-in. I don't know... it just overwhelmed me.
I'm not American, but this is history unfolding our very eyes. Who would have thought an African-American could one day become president to the most powerful country in the world? I never thought it would be impossible...but for it to happen NOW, at a time where everything seems bleak with the crises that we're experiencing, is indicative that there is hope -- for change, for a better tomorrow. What we were all witness to is something worth telling our grandchildren in the future. May this historic moment be an inspiration to us all. :)
Full text of President Barack Hussein Obama's Inaugural Speech
My fellow citizens:
I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition. Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.
That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.
These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.
Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.
On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.
We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.
For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.
Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.
This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.
For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.
What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.
Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.
As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.
To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.
As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.
Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the price and the promise of citizenship.
This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.
This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.
So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:
"Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]."
America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
