Just Because

Two more weeks and it's Valentine's Day.

So what? It's not like we celebrate Valentine's Day. No, we don't... Muslims do not have such celebrations. But on February 14, we will be celebrating that day. Only slightly differently.

Last year, when the world was busy literally painting the town red and celebrating hearts' day, we lost someone very dear to us.

Emilkhayr Punzalan Pimping-Benito passed away.

She was Ate Tatanie to us, bubbly, frank and outspoken. Fierce, loving, passionate. It's a description of contradictions, but yes, she was all that. All that and more. Everyone looked up to, adored and loved her. It was sad. No, it was tragic, how we lost Ate Ta. She went away so unexpectedly. It was like the Angel of Death stole her away from us when we weren't looking.

First week of February last year, Ate Tatanie, her husband , in-laws and parents flew in to Manila. She suddenly fell ill and they all agreed to take her here for treatment. They were giving her all sorts of tests and shots and was constantly on painkillers. She was in pain but tried not to show although her eyes said otherwise. But still, she didn't let the pain beak her down. She had a warrior's spirit...wouldn't back down from a fight. And then, that fateful day. No one thought it would happen so soon. No one thought it would happen, period.

We were distant relatives, my dad said, but I was only close to one of her younger brothers, Zaad, who was my age, as we both went to the same university when i went off to college. We only became close when we got married to our husbands (Hamza and Kuya Cocoy are first cousins). Although they lived in Mindanao, and us, here in the metro, the proximity didn't hinder us from being close.

I remember whenever we had the chance to go to Mindanao, we'd make time to visit their food place, Pastel Tats, the one in Mindanao State U (Marawi), and we'd find her there, busily taking orders from customers, chatting with the cousins and friends, managing the crew and taking care of the register. She did all that, and then after a while she'd disappear, only to find her managing the meatshop next door which she and her husband owned as well. They were a young, successful couple, and they had it all going for them. When the scene at the resto would die down a bit (which was rare), we'd find a spot and just talk about life. She'd give me unsolicited advice about marriage, about taking care of oneself, or what-have-yous. But I liked it best when we talked about her love life, how she and Kuya Cocoy fought for their love. I didn't mind hearing about it again (I wouldn't ask in the first place), because I just never got tired of it. It was like a novel, or even a complicated soap opera; you wouldn't believe the things they went through for each other. It just makes you stop and say to yourself, 'Now, THAT is love'.

December 2005 was her last reunion with the family. I can still recall how she and the rest of the cousins decorated the house with tassles and such, to make the house more festive. And then she ran off to the kitchen with Ate Ling to finish her cooking. She didn't seem to get tired doing things...such a busybody. And to think she had Rayhaan (six y/o) and Tanisha (four m/o) to take care of, too. That was one of our best reunions, and sadly, our last, too, since we welcomed 2007 with our respective families.

Every now and then, when I'm doing something or nothing at all, she would cross my mind. I'd remember all the times we were together, all the stuff that she taught me, and the advice she gave me. And then a wave of sadness would wash over me and my eyes can't help but get misty over the thought of her. Sometimes I still can't believe that it happened; like it's all a bad dream.I still miss her, and I'm sure everyone else who has been touched by her does, too. If only I could thank her for all the kindness she's shown me. I can only do so through prayers... du'as to you, my cousin.

Why am I writing this entry?

Just because... I miss her. Still.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un.

"Verily we belong to Allah, and to Him we return."